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I'm always running in every direction with no direction at all. If you care or dare,
Christmas Day, Sunday, 12:30am
I am finally feeling some peace. I have never been so behind in getting ready. I finished my shopping tonight, barely made it to the grocery store on time before they closed, and just finished wrapping gifts. A good friend of mine stopped over last night and we painted randomly until she left at 1:30 am. I really needed to do that to ground myself. I had pretty manicured nails for Christmas, and had them so gunked up with glue and paint. But they did get clean after washing my hair. Tonight I was reflecting on how difficult this year was, with dad getting sick, plus some horrible family drama's which sadly, still continue to this day. I wish I could fix family relationships, especially involving parents and children. It makes me feel so helpless to see those I love suffering emotionally. When I stand outside looking in, I see more than those involved. I can see both sides. I finally said recently that I love all my whole family and do not want to hear any negativity about anyone. I think it affects me so much because I would do anything to spend 5 minutes with Steve. I wish I had not had to set up my boundaries, i wish people would just stop and think about where I am coming from without having to spell it out in black and white... Life is too short for them not to get along, lessons will be learned, another year about to end. The journey continues... I hope you are all surrounded by those you love and I wish you a blessed and peaceful Christmas.
December 22nd, Thursday, 11:56pm Well Ms. Cheap Date here is drinking "teeny bopper" wine to try to get some sleep tonight. I hate it when i get MAJOR RESTLESS. It hits around the holidays, I cannot focus, I am totally disconnected, and feel like running away from here. I try listening to the iPod to get some sleep but it just hypes me enough to keep clicking onto the next song, but not enough to get out of bed to accomplish anything. I haven't finished wrapping gifts, I don't even know who is left to buy for, there is always tomorrow, for two more days at least. If I forgot you, sorry. Anyone wanna come over for wine, music, and art? How bout you Betty Lou Thelma Liz? Which reminds me I did not even get together with the school girls this holiday season. They are as disconnected as me. Again, damn that holiday travel discount!!!! Patience is not one of my virtues. I need a pair of brown shoes!!! Wish the good stores were open for night owls like myself.
December 20th, Tuesday, 11:20pm Seasons Greetings! I have not had much time to blog, I don't know why, I cannot even remember what I have been doing. Okay, now I remember, okay....I distributed the MUSE-IC swap, which was absolutely fantastic beyond my expectations. Not only does it broaden our music horizon, but we get some really cool art with it. My co-host Sarah Fishburn, all ready has her wheels in motion for the next round, and it will be a great one! After that went out, I went and made a few cards for family, and sent out alot of boxed Christmas cards....I know that seems tacky to many, but making cards is one of the most difficult things for me to do. I'd rather mess up my art space making an art project than taking out tons of stuff to make a card. Isn't that ironic, cause that was my reasoning for buying all those rubber stamps in the beginning, to make cards. What else? I got myself an iPod and have been downloading music, which is fun cause it is my first one. I have to sleep to noise...either the tv or music, so that is cool as you all know, cause I don't run out of music. Then this week I have been running away from home everyday. Even though I respect the religious aspect of Christmas, I cannot wait for the holiday to be over with. This is not my favorite week. This happens to me every year since 1997. (I go through this also during Valentines Day, and August birthdays. "Leo the lion" here, is not so strong as everyone thinks.) So, once Christmas passes I am fine, but for now I just feel totally restless, like I don't want to be here right now. I wanted to be gone on the 25th, but damn that vacation discount which we took advantage of for Dec. 30th, well....what's another week? Sweet dreams....I hate spiders!
November 21st, Monday, 3:28pm I am feeling so MANIC right now. I don't mean in a disturbing psychological sense, just in a fun hyper way? Wanna know WHY??? Because I am receiving the MUSE-IC swaps in the mail, and they are amazing! Everyone is doing top notch work and I am SO pleased!!! Not only is the artwork SUPER COOL RADICAL but the song choices I've seen are so diverse, I love to open my mind to new music which I am unfamiliar with and am looking forward to hearing all of them. Talking about music, I have been in such a mood to hear Earth Wind and Fire lately. It was always my dream in high school to have them play at my wedding (which one?) LOLOL I still tell George that... when I get mad at him, that just because he is number 2 does not mean I will stop there! (We have been married 25 years.) Well I have not only been wanting to hear Earth Wind and Fire, but one song in particular. That's The Way of the World. Remember that one? I am listening to it and it makes me feel the way I should feel in church; inspiring, enlightening, UPlifting, and LOVING. I love the lyrics, ... "Stay young at heart ‘cause you’re never (never, never, ..) old at heart" (lyrics vary). Isn't that a beautiful philosophy to live by? Another line is, "A child is born with a heart of gold." What another great phrase to think about. As we grow older we begin to drown ourselves in all our self doubts, our failures, our regrets. All that does is blacken our hearts of gold we are all born with. So today I say LIVE AND LAUGH OUT LOUD! PLAY MANIC! BE FREE!!!! disclaimer (the small print): Unfortunately this song did not make it on my MUSE-IC selection this time around, and such a big influence. Too bad. Another one of my favorite oldies but goodies that did not make my list was MIRACLES by Jefferson Starship. Hear the long version of the lyrics... tee-heee... and remember to stay young at heart. xoxoxo
November 11th, Friday, 9:46pm Today was, is, and will always be our day. Today is 11-11. My special day. 99% of my artwork has the number 11 somewhere on it. It all began when Steve passed away, all the time I'd look (and still do) at the clock it says 11:11. So, that is OUR time, it is our phone call from this side to the other side, visa-versa to say I am thinking of you. Today is also my brother's birthday. Everyone came over tonight to celebrate his birthday. As I was outside saying my good night's, I happened to look up at the sky, and saw the most vibrant gorgeous shooting star Thanks Steve. I love you.
November 4th, Friday, 2:41pm Guest Blog Sylvia - I just read all of your blogs and was so impressed. I am working on a piece myself entitled "masks" and would like to use the phrases from one of your blogs as a part of the wording. I am not a commercially focused artist. This piece will be a gift for my best friend. I too think everyone wears masks - I did when I lost my dad to an accident. It's been 25 years and I am just now facing the demons that has cast negative shadows on my life; the demons of regret - bad decisions - poor friendship choices - etc. everyone thought I was okay - I was friendly - outgoing - strong. then I met my new best friend and he has recognized and nurtured the strong but delicate true parts of me. As a result I am casting as much negative energy as possible away from me. My mask became so comfortable that few around me even knew the real me. Seems the real me is so much stronger than the masked entity that I now feel I can accomplish anything i choose. Reading your website and blogs was a wonderful respite for my day - thank you for sharing the open and honest feeling about everyday on your journey. Sincerely - Teresa Atkinson Athens, GA
November 3 Thursday, 7:28pm I spent a productive day burning CD's for the swap I am co-hosting with Sarah Fishburn, MUSE-IC. Today the CD's, tomorrow the artwork. Here is a photo of my little clay calaveras.
November 1st, Tuesday, 8:19pm i have been in a total Dia De Los Muertos mood since returning home. Today this Mexican tradition is being celebrating in Mexico as well as tomorrow. While in Pozos our group attended the Michael DeMeng workshop, "Lost Found and Reinvented In Mexico", built the most spectacular and touching offrenda (shrine) to honor all those whom we have lost. We decorated with marigolds, sugar skulls (calaveras), candles, sand, food, drinks, personal momentos, and photos. That day we had made our own calaveras out of sculpey clay at the Collectiva. I made my first one there, and have since been making about a dozen or more at home, as if I were baking cookies for the holidays. I had never sculpted my own clay, and found skeletons to be just the right curada for this old girl. So, I have been painting them and will try to photo them tomorrow for you to see. The workshop was AWESOME! As usual I kinda (clearing my throat) did my own thing. I barely cranked out one finished piece of assemblage art in 3 days, other's were whipping out the most fantastic pieces, up to nine I think! Someday Pozos will be known for its draw to the international art community, focusing on its wonderful resources of found objects. It felt like a privilege being there in the beginning. I do plan on returning next year for Dia de Los Muertos, and hopefully will make it a traditional pilgrimage each year thereafter.
October 19th, Wednesday, 11:41pm When this week first started out, I thought it was going to go by really slow because I am anxious to leave for Mexico this Friday, where I will be attending the Michael DeMeng workshop. Part of the workshop will be to assemble a community offrenda which will be displayed there for Dia De Los Muertos. That meant me getting into Steve's trunk of belongings. I try not to open it often. It is still so painful to see all the wonderful memories tucked inside. Just this past year I was finally able to go through everything and donate most of his clothes. I kept things that had special meaning to me. Like the little tiny blue canvas tennis shoes, the baby teeth that fell out which are put inside the envelopes with his own "dear fairy" letters, the little ceramic sculptures he made for me in kindergarten to commemorate each holiday of the year. So much Steve, so much me, so much that was, so much that I miss. I also found the Valentine card I taped to his bathroom mirror the last night we had together. What I shouldn't have to see are the memorial brochures of my only child, or the guest book signed at his services. It was very difficult to choose what I did for the offrenda. As you can now see, I live in avoidance. I escape through my art.
October 9th, Sunday, 11:11 pm This week has gone by remarkably fast, I had a lot of art on my plate, which is a great thing. Unfortunately the fast paced energy eventually has to die down and crash. That moment hit me today. I was wanting to stay in bed all day to sleep but had some things I had to go do. The best news is that my MMV Color Construction Experiment which I began hosting in January reached its final leg this past week. I had to swap out about 40 art copies to all participating players and with the help of a friend and her sweet daughter, I was able to get them all out in the mail by Friday. A few local ones arrived by Saturday, the majority will be receiving their's this week. We had a Canadian player and one from England who will hopefully receive theirs in about week. I cannot wait for them to see the results of their dedicated work this past year. Then on Saturday I taught a 6 hour workshop to some lovely ladies. I love it when people come in to see a project I have created and think that it is impossible for them to create a similar likeness, especially not having much experience in the alterenative arts. They all end up leaving in awe, hungry to learn more. That is my reward. Life is sweet.
September 24th, Saturday, 6:32 AM Guest Blog: Dear Sylvia, I enjoy your blog and your website and your altered books and artwork. Thank you for sharing your story. I am saddened about the loss of your son, Steve, and cannot imagine the pain that wraps itself into the loss of your child. I realize that loss occurred several years ago; however, I wanted to thank you for telling the truth of who you are in your blog and in telling us how the journey has shaped you. I am a "baby artist." Last year, a few of my writer friends did an altered book round robin. We had the best time. It was quite the time-consuming task. I simply love creating art on the page. I don't really care how good it is; it makes me feel so peaceful inside to be creating, to be thinking about creating. That is why I tried to respond specifically to your blog post from July 30, I believe. It talks about how you'd rather do art than clean the house or do laundry or whatever. I understand. Of course, I'd rather do anything than those chores, but art and writing are my loves. I wanted you to know that people are out here reading your words and enjoying the spirit of who you are. I'm thankful for the gifts that you have and your willingness to share them with the world. Your gifts of art and writing have been an inspiration to me. Many continued blessings to you, Karen Stewart Shelnutt http://www.theword-spunjourney.blogspot.com
September 23rd, Friday, 9:29 PM Long time no BLOG!!! Where has my time gone? Well, that is easy to figure out. Usually with my art. First of all I just got over a small bout with pneumonia. I had no idea I had it but glad I got myself in to see the doctor right away. It is so true when they say "bed rest" Of course to someone like me, bed rest means going to bed at around 10:30 instead of after 2 AM? But those extra hours of beauty sleep did help out, unfortunately it only helped my lungs! hahhaha People always ask me "When are you going to SLOW down?" My answer is when I am "6 feet under!" I just love to say that, I have too much to do before I die, like use all the stuff I have collected to make something with during my weekly jaunts to the local thrift store. Last night i had to go pick up an art order at the copy center and of course my car which has a mind all of it's own, took me directly to a thrift store open till 9pm. It is not in a good area of town, but that car of mine just felt like my knight in shining armour, so I felt no danger. Not to insult my vehicle, but that "shining armour" needs a good wash like none other! Well of course I came out with 4 bags of "creativity" and a veneer board with someone's discarded painting on it. It had some damage on it, and I walked away with it for 65 cents having mixed feelings. I felt so bad for the artist, but so glad for my score! My idea is to take a digital photo of it and maniputlate it into making some art paper to work with. The colors on it are GORGEOUS, it has some scratching on it which feels like lots of positive high energy in it, it is filled with a ROBUST LIFE. I fell in love with it right away. I have so much to say, but need to do some art. I am preparing for a class to be held next weekend. Oh! I am pleased to say that I made $630.00 to donate to the American Red Cross from my classes last week. Thanks to all who took my workshop. I always like to begin my classes by telling my students that if they signed up for my class, I have to wonder about their mental well-being! I see my art as pretty far out there. I will have to write sometime about how looks can be deceiving (in a great art way!) Oh, I am baaaaaaaaad! ;)
September 16th, Friday, 10:21 PM Ooooooooooooh check out Marie Otero's latest sheets of rubber stamps! http://www.lostaussie.com/Main/stamps/stamps2.htm, and if you go to http://www.lostaussie.com/Main/stamps/sorder.html, you can see her entire line, they all RULE (not to mention that the quality of the rubbah is superb!!!!)
September 5th, Monday, 11:42 pm Today George and I returned from a 4 day weekend trip to San Diego by car. I know, it sounds crazy with the exuberant gas prices, but he works so hard and never takes time off, so that's how we justified the ride. Being a passenger in the car for about 6 hours each way gave me lots of time to think. I thought about many things, but will share this one with you tonight. Looking out the window today, I began to remember how often my dad would take mom, my sister, and I out on road trips before my brother was born. Sometimes a road trip would just be a day trip to a prospective job destination for dad. After driving for what seemed like an eternity, we'd arrive to an empty dirt lot, he'd take out his measuring wheel, he'd begin walking sometimes so far that he'd become a little speck in the distance, then he'd return back to the car and we were headed back home. I was always staring out into space, just looking and daydreaming. Then I'd jolt to the voice of my mom saying, "OH, look girls! Can you see in the clouds that alligator with it's mouth wide open?" I'd look up at all the clouds so intensely with my eyebrows crooked until I could see what my mother was looking at. I had to look real fast and real hard, because those clouds were moving quickly! Today as I was looking out at all the cumulus cloud formations I saw many faces, profiles, whimsical animals, etc. The clouds were like comic book pages, nonsense figures leaping across the Arizona blue skies. Having just been home from Art Unraveled in Phoenix a few days earlier and taking Lynne Perella's Wabi Sabi class, my mind began to drift to the positive and negative images in the sky. Lynne does this creativity exercise in her class where we cut silhouettes out of black paper and put them on a white surface. We then discuss not only the images we have cut but how they relate to the random placement of the other's all around our own, and we talk about appreciating THE WHITE NEGATIVE SPACE. As I was looking at the cotton candy fluff clouds passing me by, I began to see them with new wonderment, them being the positive, and the blue sky the negative. Looking at the skies around the clouds, gave me a new creative outlook. It did not matter that they lacked a defining shape to remind me of something I recognized. What I found to be important was that it was there. It was there in the beauty of white space/blue skies. Its important role was in existing as an integral part of an unending vastness. I no longer could tell which were the positive or negative spaces. Just like I was jolted out of my thoughts many years ago by my mother's voice, the raindrops on the windshield called my name today. A single cloudburst followed us for a short while, I rolled down the window, stuck my hand out and smelled the fresh rain. I then began to see how the clouds were forming shadows on the desert artscapes, from lightness to darkness....again my creative mind began to drift as quickly as the clouds that came and went on our way home from San Diego.
August 20th, Saturday, 12:51 AM I am so thrilled right now as I just got home about an hour ago after seeing one of my favorite bands in concert, The White Stripes. I adore the music of this two person band, brother Jack White and his sister Meg. He plays the guitar like a GREAT, and his sister is FAB on drums. The two of them together are the perfect complimentary pair. Jack has the most eccentric voice, one whom I can identify with through my creativity. He just goes with what he is feeling, he just has a blast at it. Every CD they have produced is always in a red and white color theme, as was their stage. I couldn't have asked for a better time than I had, just being there and listening to them. For me it was getting to watch an icon live. What an amazing concert, I wish it were just starting again.
August 15th, Monday, 11:59 PM Happy Birthday Steve. Today you would've been 29 years old. I love you forever. Mom
August 10th, Wednesday, 11:49 PM Well I am now 47 years old and 36 hours more or less. I spent my birthday at a tat shop getting a lower sleeve started. That was what I REALLY wanted. After going back and forth on where to have it done IF having it done at all there for awhile, I woke up feeling renewed, NOT depressed and in denial of my age as a lot of people do! I thought today is a great day to commemorate that I am here and very much alive and connected with my art. My tattoo is not MY art but a grouping of images I have selected, to represent my persona. So far, what I have selected all have a mysterious ambience to them; masks, and a hidden face behind a gate. There is still room for more. I am keeping my eye out for something, so far it does not wrap completely around my lower arm. It is all outlined for now, and will have color added in about two weeks. I was a bit apprehensive about the pain, as I had not had one done in about 6 years. At that time the pain was still very close to my heart about Steve, so it did not hurt at all and that's what I attributed it to. Yesterday the discomfort was extremely minimal. It was really weird, I was laying on the table, with my arm being etched and I just felt like I could walk away from the table and leave my arm there. It felt like a mind detachment, or more commonly known as "mind over matter." It was so peaceful as I was laying there, listening to good music, looking out the window as a summer monsoon storm blew in my favorite gift in in the whole world, RAIN! And lots of it. I think we all wear masks. Some may not want to admit it, but why not? What is the big deal? If I step outside with my make-up on, wouldn't some people consider that a mask? One to hide my self imposed imperfections? Well there is also the psychological mask that we all wear to hide our emotional flaws. People we meet everyday are wearing a mask, whether it is at work, at home, at church....think about it. I am not talking about a deliberately deceitful mask, that is negativity. Although we are all highly aware of that existence as well. What i am talking about the masks we wear to hide our pains. We smile, we mingle, we conversate, we just are. WE ALL ARE. We make the best of our bad situations, we are strong. I am a real strong spirit in love with my world of life, friends, and art.
July 30th, Saturday, 1:11 AM It has been almost a week since my last entry, so thought I'd just babble for a bit before signing off. This week was totally YUK as I had to catch up with dreaded paperwork I have been putting off. Okay, here I go... Friday night confessions. It seems to me like once Steve passed on, I became more like a 14 year old. Things I used to get after Steve for, I am guilty of now. Post Traumatic Syndrome is what they call it. I used to be so different, I used to love to balance my checkbook, file my papers as soon as they needed it, I used to do laundry on a certain day. I had my contented June Cleaver house, aromas of food cooking from the oven, the sounds of the washer and dryer tumbling my clothes, i'd tape The Young and the Restless on video to watch with Steve, he was the one who turned me on to that one, we'd roll on the floor laughing at Victor Newman's expressions, Steve could do them oh so perfect! We'd laugh until our stomachs hurt. Well now I am hating responsibilites. Can anyone out there relate to that? I had this paperwork to do, so it took me like 4 days to finish because I chose to bury my head under my blankets and snooze on and off, hoping it would all go away when I woke up! It finally all did go away, but not until I faced it head on. Now that is all finished and my life of other neglected house chores awaits me, like the laundry, and all the other stuff that eventually needs attention. See? My passion is art. I'd rather be doing art than anything else. So, I end up piling clothes on my closet floor, I don't hang up my bath towels, they stay draped over the tub, I don't make my bed anymore... BUT, it's all upstairs! So, nobody sees it but us. I love it when people come over and say,, "Oh your house is always so clean! How do you do it with four dogs? And you are SO ORGANIZED!!!! See why I feel like a 14 year old? Because although I feel just a teeny tiny bit guilty, I'm not telling! One more thought... I noticed tonight as I was driving, I was looking at all the gas prices lit up on the signs... why do they all have a fraction of a cent attached. EVERY gas station had for just an example, $2.35 and 9/10ths cents. What is up with THAT? It is NEVER 1/10 of a cent, or 6/10ths... of course it has to be 9/10th of a cent. Well thanks for the bargain! I am saving 1/10th of a cent per gallon! So, 10 gallons saves me 1 penny. I better start saving those pennies to buy some Golden Gel Medium at the end of the year 2006. Psycho Babble has ended.
July 24th, Sunday, 2:03am Well, remember how great I felt on July 13th? I have made the choice to continue with that positive turn around, and I am striving to get back to what I love doing, more art and more involvement. In the past 11 days I have caught up with alot of ART intentions I have had since many moons ago! I began by sending off packages in the mail. Although wrapping stuff to ship is totally on the bottom of my list of fun things to do, I do enjoy giving to people. So, with that done, I began to make plans for ME! I have scheduled 3 workshops at a local stamp store. I have not taught since the beginning of the year, so I am ready to go for it!!! With that all done, I then signed up to take Michael DeMeng's workshop in Mexico! Before that comes around, I will be spending a week in Phoenix at Art Unraveled, I won't be teaching or selling this time around, due to my circumstances previously mentioned. But I will be there for a much needed break to attend classes and hang out with my art friends. Then next week I will be taking a local class to finally learn how to use my Gocco Printer which I purchased at a second hand store for 10.00! If it works great! If not ...oh well, it won't be the end of my world! I still am doing quite a few swap commitments and am enjoying them immensely. Although things seem hectic at times, it's always rewarding when completed. I hope you can feel the positive energy, the shine of the Silver Moon rising.
July 20th, Wednesday, 12:33 am My mind is absolutely blanked out sizzle fried today. Not only is it scorching hot outside, but so is my art surface. I have been cranking out the artwork like crazy nuts for a project that will be wrapping up soon. I am sitting here, just kinda zoning out, peeling Golden Matte Medium from my hands. I can hear Molly's whining in the background. She is headed towards recuperation week #3. Three down, five to go. Then onto the hips. Poor baby. I just took her outside (for the 14th time in the last 2 hours?), the smell of smoke is really strong outside. Should I clear up my workspace, or leave it for tomorrow? I will probably wait till tomorrow, I am cross eyed as it is, I will probably be dropping stuff where it doesn't belong! I used to be so meticulous years ago about keeping my house immaculate. How BORING was I? Changes happens. Some we can help, others we can't. I am going to help everyone reading this right now by saying ....bye, this blog sucks.
July 13th, Wednesday, 11:51 pm Yesterday I found out my dad was having surgery today and I knew right away, it would all get better from here on. Today I arrived just in time to catch his surgeon at the surgery waiting room desk looking at the list to see if I was there. I'd just gotten there. Perfect timing. The surgery went wonderful. This has been dad's third surgery this year. I knew last year, this was going to be a difficult year, full of challenges and lessons to be learned. That's why I am not teaching or vending at conventions this year. My inner voice kept telling me to be there for my family. I waited in the hospital lobby with my cousin, until dad was transferred into his own room. I went in to see him by myself, we held hands, and I told him things will be on the upswing from here on. He smiled and nodded. My eyes began to swell. He then looked at my shirt with a rose on it and managed to say in his groggy voice " Pretty Flower". We both smiled. I left him to sleep. There are days when I walk from here to there, I make eye contact with a stranger, I smile, and they just walk away like they never saw me. Perhaps they didn't REALLY see me, perhaps they were so involved with their thoughts, that I wasn't there. Today was different, everyone was making eye contact, everyone was smiling, everyone was letting me know things are going to get better beginning today. It is a positive turn. After the hospital, my cousin and I went to "my" thrift store. I was amongst more people wearing genuine smiles, I found lots of things I like. I found a 10 volume first edition 1906 set of books called "Journeys Through Bookland". After spending about an hour there, I zeroed in on a guy and girl sitting on one of the shabby couches for sale, with a very interesting set of books stacked near them. The guy was on his cell phone, trying to sell the books, before purchasing them. I had him staked out, the books looked way interesting and very OLD. I spotted another man with the same intentions as mine, lingering around... both of us waiting for him to either get up with the books in hand, or leave them behind. I waited for about 40 minutes, when I finally said to my cousin, we better go. I can always return tonight and see if he happened to leave the books. So, I am in line ready to pay for my own finds, when I noticed that the guy behind me was one of the clerks who had earlier complimented my brow piercing. He was in line to pay as well, as he was off for the day. I took a chance and asked him if he'd noticed the guy sitting on the couch with the stack of old books. He said "yes, he is a really nice guy. He has decided not to purchase the books and he is going to put them back". I was floored! I told him I was interested in buying them, he encouraged me to go back there and ask him for them. Hesitantly I got out of line, as I walked down the aisle towards him, I saw that the other man who'd been staking him out as well had given up at that very moment and we passed each other in the aisle. He was going towards the check out... I was going to ask the guy about the books. The clerk was right, the guy said he was not going to take them, would I like them? "YES!" He smiled and said, "Enjoy!" I ended up with another 1892 first edition 10 volume book set entitled, "Cooper's Works". I smiled all the way home... my dad, my books, the smiles, all synchronicities... all signs orchestrated from the heavens, things ARE on the upswing. Never give up. Be strong.
Just wanted to say that I appreciate you sharing that... it's a good reminder that we're all more alike than we are different. And a reminder to smile at people and show them some kindness.
- Cindy O'Leary
July 12th, Tuesday, 1:11 am I have been working on a piece tonight that is being rotated, it belongs to someone in my MMV Color Construction Experiment group. I have been working on this canvas since about 8pm and nothing was working for me, my muses went to bed early tonight. I even got desperate and tried adding some tape transfers. It is rare to see any type of transfer on my work. I see no purpose in them, I have no patience for them, and worst of all....they need planning ahead of time. About the only transfers I ever make are tape transfers. I made 4 of them, and ended up using only half of one piece. I kept saying to myself from about 11 pm, WALK AWAY, your vision will be much better in the morning! But I get stubborn and determined, I kept adding to it until I liked it....I usually never have this hard of time working on a piece, especially a collage. I will finish it in the morning with some verbage, not sure what that will be yet....I am hoping my muses will wake up for a second and whisper it in my ear as I sleep. Sweet dreams everyone.
July 10th, Sunday The heat outside is going to be around 115 degrees outside this week. I always have despised the heat, until this year. I now love to step outside and feel the heat on my body. Someone told me that was a sign of getting old, I thought to myself... "go to hell". Right now I am listening to CD 3 of a Steve Miller boxed set I have. I don't think I have ever listened to this CD. It is pretty mellow, pretty bluesy. Great blogging tunes! Someone today mentioned to me that she was reading my blog. I thought that was kinda funny-weird. NO offense. I feel like it's MY life and people like to read ME??? The first thing I said was, Oh! (I was speechless... but why?) I know why... it's because I had not blogged in awhile. My promise from the start was that my blog was not going to be negative. People have enough of that in their lives, I have talked to so many people that wish they could just blow up the stars to re-align in their favor. It's been that kind of year for some reason. But, why go there? It's here, why go there... again and again... too boring. Give me the weirdness, the funk, the shock. And I am happy. Better yet I am happy giving all that to you. That's why I blogged today. Well... it was just one person who said they read my blog, hmmmmmm, interesting. Maybe I should just e-mail to her every night and hand in my blog. I really don't know if anyone else is reading this. WHO ARE YOU OUT THERE??? Important Sidetrack Note to Me: Blog is an acronym for the words weB LOG. I am probably the last to know, even though I have one. I wonder how long these blogs will be out there for. I don't read others, just one and it belongs to my friend Marie Otero, she posts awesome artwork on hers. I never kept a diary as a young girl cause I am so private and reserved. When I am super pissed I vent on a word document, then I delete it right away... so what's up with this and me? When Steve died, I found journals under his bed. I read them, I felt guilty, I kept them for awhile, then I tore them all up because he was like me, very private. I thought if I died in possession of his diaries, Steve would NOT want anyone reading them. Once I tore them, I still could not get rid of them, so I keep the pieces in a cigar box and I sometimes attach a relic of Steve into artwork that I make for others. I did keep a few quotes and made them into rubberstamps for myself. I have an alternative idea for a rubberstamp line, does anyone have a company out there looking for the unusual? If so e-mail me. I would love to have my own line. It is something that is not out there, knowing me and knowing there are lots of others like me, I think they'd "die for" my line! Gotta run, it's 11:11!
July 3rd, Sunday, 9:45 am I went to the tattoo parlour again this past Friday to talk to the guy who will be working on my skin art, his name is Taylor. Oh my! Did I ever feel like a "matronly looking grandma" in there. There were so many young, BEAUTIFUL, expressive guys with the most colorful tats on their upper bodies. Living Canvases, they carry their unique art all the time on themselves. I shyly approached Taylor to discuss what I wanted, meanwhile all these young guys were sitting around curiously listening. Disappointedly I walked out again. He asked that I bring in photos of the flowers I would like to have inscribed onto me. So, on the drive home I am thinking to myself....where in the hell am I going to find pictures of flowers! I have tons of books but none of them have flowers. Then it dawned on me....I wanted flowers because I had seen a similar tattoo years ago on a girl in California who worked at one of the bead stores. She like myself, was not "Slim-derella" but she carried it so well, and it was striking! hmmmmmmmm, so I began to think...things always work out for a reason. I have never been a flower person...If I were I'd have so many books lining my shelves of flowers. So, what am I? My book shelves are full of MY taste in art; cemeteries, black and white photography, circus, saints, symbols, and more. Then I began thinking of my wishful Pierrot theme for my back....and I thought that is me! I need to find artwork that will carry that theme to my front. So, I began frantically pulling books out that had vintage circus photos, french pierrots, old clocks, etc... Then Molly came home from her second knee surgery. She came in with large tattoos of Betadine solution where she had been shaved and chaffed. She has a bright flourescent soft cast around her left leg. Although she feels horrible she was glad to be home, her wicked tail wagging non-stop. Talk about getting a reality check here. She did not ask for her colorful look. See what I mean? Things always happen for a reason. My dreams of tattoos are now back to being a dream.
June 30th, Thursday, 2:50pm Well, I did make it to the tat parlour. I was ready to lie on that couch for hours to get my frontal tattoo started, BUT....I have to wait until tomorrow, to get the right person who is good with the type of design that I want. He will be in tomorrow. so, tomorrow we will draw it, then we will begin....I am so spur of the moment, I hope I don't change my mind. When I want it, I want it NOW! My Molly Moo Moo is having her 2nd knee operation performed today. That poor yellow lab sure has to go through alot of pain, to feel better. After this will be hip replacements. Our spare change goes to the dogs, always. Then next week Lulu, my English Bulldog will get her second eye surgery done, the first one did not work. All these dogs are pups.
June 28th, Tuesday, 11:11 pm It's my time, it's his time. I was watching a DVD set I just purchased upon the recommendation from my dear friend Pilar (you were right!)....I am loving, CARNIVALE. The story and the cinematography are captivating and so artistic. I was watching the 3rd episode of 12, when I happened to look at the clock, saw the time, and felt inclined to run in and blog out. I have two tattoos on my body, or skin art as I like to call them. My very first one was a permanent bracelet put on my right wrist of a celestial scene with the words "Ps I love Steve!" I adore that one, it is my perpetual bracelet of a never ending love between myself, the mom and Steve, my son. At the time that I got it, I felt no pain, it was soon after Steve, had passed on. As you could imagine nothing hurt as bad as that, so to get my first skin art was nothing. After that one came my second one, which I did on a spur of the moment within the same year. I went in for a tiny ankle tat on my anniversay, and came home with one that measured 4 1/2 " in diameter of a sun/moon with my art name Silver Moon inscripted underneath. I must have a high pain tolerance because again, no pain....I just felt uncomfortable being twisted in an awkward position (okay it was comical) for a good length of time, it could've been about 3 to 4 hours loooooooooooong. So, that brings me to now. I am like my dad, we want to live to a very old age. At least that's how he words it. Me? I want to live my life to it's maximum art exposure....So, what does THAT MEAN? I have been wanting another tattoo. My last one was probably about 6 years ago. So, I am older. I am wiser? Or am I just a LUNAtic? I would LOVE to have a frontal tat done on my upper chest area spanning across from arm to arm. And just watching that movie Carnivale has got me going on it even more....You see, it is said that my great grandmother at one time in her early life, worked for a circus as did two of her sons. Unfortunately there are no pictures. I have heard it said that she was a snake charmer? I love the mysterious, I love to shock, it is me. So, back to my skin....what I would love on the front is a spider web (not a heavy one, just a faint colored one...I think it would look more realistic that way) FORGET THE SPIDER, those I do not like at all! But instead I would love some gorgeous COLORFUL tropical flowers woven throughout, perhaps some hibiscus and orchids? My other dream tat is to have my entire back done. Okay for those of you that know me, you all know I am not a Slim-derella for sure! That's one reason that holds me back. But if I ever do get bold enough, I would love to have a vintage pierrot scene put on my back. Maybe a replica of one of my vintage postcards with the moon in the background. ohhhhhhhhhhhh la la. Of course nobody would ever see it, because it would be just mine. But it would be self-satisfaction, taking art beyond my normal realm and having it inscribed on my body to cherish. So, maybe by me blogging out my LUNAntics, I have begun the first step? If I live to be as "young" as my great grandmother who lived to the age of 114, I still have almost 70 more years to enjoy my skin art. What am I waiting for? I will keep you posted.
June 24th, Thursday, 10:46 am. I returned from ArtFiberFest this past week and am so in love with FABRIC! I took two classes from DJ Pettit and Pam Garrison, both of them lovely, patient, and sweet GENEROUS giving teachers. I give ArtFiberfest all my 10 fingers and toes a BIG "thumbs up!" Okay... so, coordination is not my gig. My reputation (clearing my throat) is that I do not stay in a class usually for more than half a day. I am not one of those "hands on" students, I like to absorb the technique, perhaps just take notes, or maybe look at the sample and walk away ready to revise it in my own way in my own studio. But I must've needed this break in the worst/best way! I stayed the entire time with the exception of ditching to the local fabric store with my friend Cindy O'Leary for the 2nd of three trips there! At Pacific Fabric and Crafts I picked up themed fabrics for an upcoming project I will be working on sometime soon, and some unusual embellishments and trims which I splurged on. OYE! My little Janome Jem Gold 2 which I purchased for a smashing deal locally before going to the convention was a great help, weighing in at only 12 pounds. It came through for me with flying colors of threads onto vibrant colorful layers of fabrics. I have not unpacked one suitcase yet. But will begin today... I think...
May 16th, Monday, 8:09 am I have a lot of things on my mind, one nagging thought is to convert my computer room/catch all room into a guest bedroom. Nobody in our family has ever had a guest room, we just don't get company since everyone lives close by. It is my art family that I LOVE having over. I have had some art guests stay the night, and they either get our master bedroom (George and I sleep on the couches) OR they get the couch... and we feel horrible when they get the couch. So, I have posted some pics of my challenge and you will see why I want to, yet don't want to get started. BUT I WILL. In fact I slowly began by removing my cards I have had taped to my doors for years, it is a baby step... I know, but my first step all the same. My goal is to have this room completed by January 2006. I know I work slow. The following pics are the room from left to right, granted I have been working on art, and I have this room a mess looking for stuff, okay I admit it is a catch all room and ALWAYS A MESS!
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